"but others had it worse..." -the subtle signs of unhealed trauma

you may have unhealed trauma...

When most people think about trauma, they picture flashbacks, nightmares, or panic attacks. And yes, those can be very real experiences. But for many, trauma shows up in much quieter, subtler ways — ones that often go unnoticed or get dismissed as “just who I am.” You may not call what you’ve been through “trauma.” Maybe you tell yourself, “It wasn’t that bad” or “Other people had it worse.” But here’s the thing: trauma isn’t about comparing your story to someone else’s. It’s about the impact an experience had on your mind, body, and sense of self. And sometimes, that impact is easy to miss. Unhealed trauma can weave itself into daily life in ways that don’t look dramatic but still feel heavy. For example, it might look like:

• Feeling numb or disconnected. You go through the motions but feel like you’re watching life from the outside.

• Saying “yes” when you want to say “no.” People-pleasing feels safer than disappointing others, even if it leaves you drained.

• Staying constantly busy. You fill your schedule to the brim because slowing down might mean sitting with feelings you’d rather avoid.

• Struggling to feel joy. Even when good things happen, it’s hard to fully relax or savor them — like there’s a wall between you and happiness.

These aren’t personality flaws. They are survival strategies. At one point, they helped you cope. They may have even protected you. But when those strategies stick around long after the danger has passed, they can hold you back from living the life you want. Trauma changes how the nervous system works. It can push you into a state of constant vigilance, where you’re always scanning for danger. Or it can push you into shutdown, where feeling nothing feels safer than feeling everything. Sometimes, you bounce between the two.

That’s why “small” experiences — a critical parent, years of being ignored, repeated stress at work, or moments when you didn’t feel safe being yourself — can have lasting effects. Your body remembers what it needed to do to survive. The good news is that healing doesn’t mean erasing your past or “fixing” yourself. It means creating new patterns of safety and connection. In therapy, we gently explore the strategies your body has been using, with compassion — not judgment.

From there, we work toward something different:

• Safety. Helping your nervous system learn that the present moment is not the past.

• Connection. Allowing you to feel closer to yourself and to others.

• Self-trust. Building confidence that you can handle life’s ups and downs without shutting down or overextending.

Little by little, you can move from surviving to truly living. If parts of this feel familiar, know that you’re not alone — and nothing is “wrong” with you. These signs are simply your body’s way of saying, “I’ve been through something, and I still need care.” You don’t have to carry that weight by yourself anymore. With the right support, it’s possible to feel more grounded, more at ease, and more alive. When you’re ready, we can take the next step together. Reach out, and let’s begin the process of helping you move from survival mode into a life that feels safe and fulfilling.