healing from people pleasing patterns rooted in past trauma

people pleasing....

People pleasing often plagues individuals, often due to past trauma. It can show up in many ways, like constant approval seeking, conflict avoidance, and neglecting personal needs for others. Understanding these behaviors' origins is vital for healing.

People pleasing is typically a coping mechanism developed in response to trauma. When individuals face emotional or physical pain, they may learn to prioritize others' needs over their own. This behavior can serve as a way to gain acceptance, avoid rejection, or prevent further trauma. Many people who struggle with people pleasing come from backgrounds filled with unstable relationships, neglect, or abuse. For example, studies show that nearly 70% of individuals in therapy report that their people pleasing tendencies stem from fear of abandonment. This fear can lead to the belief that worth is tied to how well they can satisfy others. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward healing. Remember, people pleasing is not a reflection of one's character but rather a learned behavior that can be unlearned.

For many, the fear of disappointing others can lead to constant anxiety. This anxiety often manifests as overcommitting to tasks—a survey indicated that 64% of people pleasers find themselves saying "yes" to demands even when they feel stretched thin. Moreover, avoiding confrontation or feeling guilty for prioritizing personal needs is common.

To start healing, identifying specific people pleasing behaviors is essential. Here are some common signs:

• Difficulty saying no: People pleasers often fear upsetting others when they decline requests.

  
  

• Over-apologizing: Apologizing excessively, even when it isn't necessary, can indicate people pleasing tendencies.

  
  

• Neglecting personal needs: Prioritizing others’ needs can lead to feelings of burnout and resentment.

  
  

• Seeking validation: Relying on others for constant approval reflects a lack of self-worth.

  
  

By recognizing these behaviors, individuals can gain insight into how they affect overall well-being and relationships.

Recovering from people pleasing rooted in past trauma is a journey requiring patience and self-compassion. Here are practical steps to support healing:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Start by acknowledging your feelings and experiences. Validate your emotions as a natural response to past trauma. Keeping a journal can help you process your thoughts and feelings more clearly.

2. Set Boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries is key to overcoming people pleasing. Identify areas in your life where you feel taken advantage of. Begin practicing saying no to requests that do not align with your values. For instance, if you're swamped at work, it's perfectly acceptable to decline an invitation to do extra shifts.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness. Instead of criticizing yourself for past behaviors, remind yourself that you did your best with the tools you had. Engage in self-care activities, such as meditating for 10 minutes daily or taking a walk in nature.

4. Seek Support

Healing from trauma and people pleasing can be tough. Seeking support from a therapist or support group can provide valuable guidance. A professional can help you navigate your feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms. (Side note: call 323.421.2216 to book your discovery call to see if I'm a fit for you!)

5. Challenge Negative Beliefs

Many people pleasers hold negative self-beliefs, like “I am not enough” or “Approval from others is essential for love.” Work to reframe these beliefs with positive affirmations, such as “I am worthy as I am” or “It’s okay to say no.”

6. Embrace Imperfection

Perfectionism often accompanies people pleasing. Embrace the idea that making mistakes is part of being human. You do not have to be flawless to deserve love and acceptance.

7. Celebrate Small Wins

As you work toward overcoming people pleasing, celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Acknowledge the instances when you set boundaries or put your needs first. Small victories can motivate you to continue your healing journey.

Healing from people pleasing patterns rooted in past trauma requires self-awareness, patience, and compassion. By understanding the relationship between trauma and people pleasing, individuals can gradually break free from these patterns and build healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Recovery isn't a straight path, and it's fine to ask for help along the way. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and healing, and remember that you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.