the secret's out: we need to learn how to soothe ourselves

Teddy bear talking for soothing and care.....

The secret’s out.

You need a little bit of nurturing in your life.

Especially when you’re stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire and no one in sight. Or reeling from the end of a relationship that felt like forever. In moments like these, wouldn’t it be good to hear a gentle voice inside saying:

“It’s okay. It’s alright. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

Tell me—did you ever talk to your teddy bear as a kid?

I did. And while the world may call that “make-believe,” for a child, it was real. That teddy bear was real. That child—your younger self—was doing something incredibly wise: building a team of comfort, love, and support.

Why do you think little ones cling so tightly to their favorite stuffed animal or doll?

Because something about that connection helps them feel safe and grounded.

And here’s the truth: that wisdom didn’t disappear just because you grew up.

In fact, science supports it.

When we practice positive self-talk, we activate areas of the brain that help us regulate emotion and feel safe. Research shows that kind, soothing internal dialogue actually calms the brain’s fear center and strengthens the part of the brain responsible for clear thinking and emotional balance.

Your brain doesn’t fully know the difference between real and imagined experiences.

That means when you imagine someone saying something kind, your nervous system responds as though it’s really happening.

Trauma experts like Bessel van der Kolk and Stephen Porges have shown how imagined safety can help us feel calmer, more connected, and more in control. These moments of visualizing care and support help bring your nervous system out of “fight-or-flight” and back into a state of ease.

So let’s try something.

What if your house already had everything you needed—if you just tapped into what I’ll call your Resource Team?

Start with one nurturing person.

Maybe it’s Aibileen from The Help (hoping you've read the book or saw the movie), saying to you:

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

Or maybe it’s your brother’s basketball coach. You never met him, but you saw the way he treated his players—with encouragement, heart, and belief. Imagine him now, looking you in the eye and saying:

“I believe in you. I see how hard you’re trying.”

Now, add more members.

Maybe it’s your Aunt Nellie brushing your hair 100 times.

Or your third-grade teacher who always smiled when you walked into the room.

Or even a dog from the neighborhood who waited for you at the gate every day.

Let them be your team.

Let them surround you, hold you, remind you of your worth.

This isn’t just make-believe—it’s a tool for healing.

Studies show this kind of visualization can reduce stress hormones, increase feelings of connection, and even regulate your heart rate and breathing.

Your brain responds whether it’s “real” or not.

So the next time you feel overwhelmed or alone, call in your team.

Let them remind you:

You are safe. You are worthy. You are loved.

Because this isn’t just pretend.

It’s healing. It’s rewiring.

It’s a new way of being with yourself.

For real. For real. For real.