when the past won’t stay in the past

Do you often dwell about the past?

Some people say, “The past is in the past — just move on.” But if you’ve lived through something overwhelming, painful, or deeply unsettling, you know it’s rarely that simple. Trauma doesn’t just disappear with time. It can quietly weave itself into the present — shaping how you see the world, how you react to stress, and even how your body feels day to day. You might notice yourself avoiding certain places or people without fully understanding why. Maybe you feel a sudden rush of anxiety when something reminds you of “that time,” or you find yourself snapping at loved ones over something small.

And then there are the moments that seem fine on the outside — dinner with friends, a sunny afternoon — yet inside, you feel tense or disconnected. That’s not weakness, and it’s not a personal flaw. It’s your nervous system doing its job a little too well, still trying to protect you from danger it thinks is still there.

When we experience trauma, the brain’s alarm system — the amygdala — goes into overdrive. It learns to scan for threats constantly, even long after the danger has passed. Meanwhile, the part of the brain that helps you feel calm and safe may have trouble kicking in. Your body becomes a little like a smoke alarm that goes off not only when there’s a fire, but also when you make toast.

This is why your reactions might feel bigger than the situation in front of you. Your mind knows you’re “okay now,” but your body hasn’t fully caught up.

Therapy doesn’t erase the past. Instead, it helps you create enough safety in the present that your body no longer feels it has to be on high alert all the time. Over time, the grip of old fear can loosen. This can involve:

• Learning grounding techniques that help your body calm down when it’s triggered.

• Making sense of your story in a way that feels empowering, not re-traumatizing.

• Reconnecting with joy and trust after years of feeling guarded.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. For some, this process is gentle and gradual. For others, there are moments of sudden clarity where things shift all at once. However it unfolds, healing is possible — and it’s something you don’t have to do alone.

One of the most important truths about trauma is that your responses made sense at the time. Freezing, shutting down, lashing out — these were ways your system kept you safe. Now, your life may look different, but those old patterns can still show up. Therapy offers a way to honor those survival strategies while also building new ones that work better for the life you want today.

If you’ve been carrying something heavy for too long, it might be time to set it down — or at least let someone help you hold it for a while. You don’t have to have all the answers before starting. You don’t need to “have it all together.” You just need to be willing to take the first step. If you’re ready to explore how life could feel lighter, calmer, and safer, I’d be honored to walk with you on that journey. You can reach out today to schedule a conversation — the first step toward leaving the past in the past, and living more fully in the present.

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